life | Father's Day

I had the best of childhoods. Loving parents, a supportive community, safety, health, and happiness. Yet, when it comes time to celebrate a father (or a mother) on one of these holidays, I always feel torn. I think of Billy Collin's poem "The Lanyard."



I also think of Philip Larkin's "This Be the Verse":


This Be the Verse

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.


For me, these hold the truths that the parent-child bond is fraught with difficulties, inequalities, gratitude, resentment, love and heartache. It is never as easy as the card's one-liner, "Happy Father's Day!" However, given the difficulty of naming these deepest currents, it's all I know to say.